R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
