he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
