I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
