Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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