your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Im part way to drunk.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
