addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
