Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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