I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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