yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
