just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
