i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
