I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
