My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
