So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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