We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
