I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
