I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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