My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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