I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
