If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
