Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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