I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
