And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
