This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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