Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
