4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
