So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
