We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
