Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
