Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just invented taco cereal.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
