Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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