thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think I am morally bankrupt
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
