Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
