but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
