Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
