i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
