You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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