True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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