Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
