i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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