just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
