Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
