it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
it was like eating out sand paper
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
