you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Can I color on your dick again?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
