So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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