Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
