I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i barfeds in our rink
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
