Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
