Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
