Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
