my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
