Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
