Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
