I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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