her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
