first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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