if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
